A Life Full of Scrap

Dennis & Kristy were such good pals... knowing I'm drown with sadness they had offered to go for dinner and I had some Russian Vodka at their place in Kelana. Thanks to Dylan I wasn't driving he pick me up from my place and drove me back from Kelana again... Thanks guys I appreciate every bit of it. Another random Thursday night drinking session just to cure my sadness.

Ahh... I'm always okay in front of everyone. Usual acting strong like always. Little did I know my tears starts to roll when I step into my room. It rolls like waterfall it just won't stop. This feeling is just so painful. I realize that it's not a matter of how long you be with someone... it's more like the love which has been given out got crushed into pieces of glasses and eventually the pieces of glasses will cut right through and make you bleed.  Pathetic huh? I thought so too... 7years or 1 month the amount of pain is still the same. I guess I will have to go through sleepless night for sometime again... I guess I will have those panda eyes with the bengkak-ness for sometime again... I've been smoking again and much more than I was before... Flipping my pictures in my lappy saw his faces all over... it breaks my heart so much... I can't help but misses him dearly... I know it's over but I can't stop thinking about him. Messaged him in the morning when I woke up asking if he feels better now. Glad he did... at least one of us are happy. He said he is more relax now. Silly me... how can I not see this coming... I should have know he is not ready. No matter how much I don't want this to end... I just gotta let go this time. He is right it will never work out... never will... I almost force him to stay but I stopped and thought for a moment... learning from my previous relationship, making someone stay in a relationship with you is just wrong... it's wrong when someone no longer loves you... you still insist of being with that person. It's just parts and parcels of life... certain things are not meant to be no matter how hard you try... you won't get it too. After all we don't always get what we want. If he is happy now, I think that is more than enough... seeing someone you love be happy is much more better than seeing them suffer because of you. Therefore, I let him go so he can be happy like he used to. The happy go lucky type... his smile on his face always brighten my days. I miss those smiles...

You bet I am still tearing... I guess it's normal. I've hold on my tears for the whole day... It's tough job acting to be tough... I'm so tired... patiently waiting for a quiet time to be alone and just cry till I fall asleep again. I haven't been happy for a while but he had granted me happiness within these short period of time... which I will cherish it with me. He has given me the sweetest memory of all and I want to thank him for that and for making me smile again at least I did smile again. Of coz' now I'm back to the emo me... erm... nothing new just me with my mood swing.

I told Kristy that he is going to the wedding too, when she sees him if she is going with Dennis she could pass my regards to him. I said to Kristy "how strange that I don't hate him". She said "but I do" and said if she goes to the wedding she might beat him... =.=||| oh well that's Kristy for you. Ahhh that's how she is... but I told her that he is a nice guy... he did thought of how I feel at least way better than Alex the asshole who only thinks about himself =.= and for that I respect him. I know I should stop having feelings for him already but I guess I'm not robot and I just can't reset my feelings just like that. He asked to be just friends. I say whatever he like... I guess it's better than losing him completely. However, before talking to him again I guess things just gotta cool down... I wonder when will I get to talk to him again and will I ever meet him again... Ahhh I shouldn't even be thinking about it now.

Guess I'm just going to let it be and that's it...