A Life Full of Scrap

WARNING SIGN:- (Don't read it because it's just a PIECE of GARBAGE)

Why is he back to his routine of calling me daily right after he finished his work? Should I just ignore him and don't pick up his phone? Why did he even asked if I had anything else to say to him? Should I tell him "Hello, mister you missed the train." and I've found a sweet guy who is not playing games with me like you do? Yet all I do is layan him like normal... chat and slightly have the don't give a damn attitude towards him. Why izzit when I care he don't? Only when I stay away from him then he begins to care... so he had finally decided that I'm important? So pathetic... His mind game is making me sick. He in this context is K.

I shouldn't be even writting this in the first place... my bf has already feel insecure... I knew I had a lot of explanation to do when I wrote yesterday's post but then again I love to write what I had in my mind after all this is what my blog is about. It's about my crappy thoughts and shitty things that had happened in my life. I needed to pour it out somewhere I guess in a way people that reads my blog knows me better.

To my surprise my loving bf was very understanding yeah... I know he feels insecure... keep asking if I had anything to tell him. In a way, he has kind of make me feel guilty. However, I haven't done anything wrong... yeah wtf right? But why do I feel as though I had done something wrong? I told my bf about what happened between me and K. Obviously, it happened before his time so I thought since he is so insecure, I should just come clean and tell him everything. Erm... I guess he feels better now. Well I hope he is. It's funny how when he said he is insecure because of me lolxxx me of all people... I value loyalty & honesty policy... maybe the value and principal I used to hold on to which is the value of loyalty and honesty has slightly deteriorate ever since I broke up with Alex. I feel like I couldn't care the shit about how loyal I am to somebody anymore because maybe 7years do had an impact on me. I was freaking loyal till he betrayed me and my pay back was 4 other guys =.=||| I was pathetic and stupid! I was hurting myself more than I ever know. Yeah maybe that's why now I am afraid of the distance that my bf and I have. Even though Spore and KL is not that far yet you would never be able to predict what's gonna happen. Since each betrayals that happened back then was when I'm not around. It's either I'm off having intern in KL or go Spore trip or go China trip...

Don't get me wrong I love my bf and I trust my bf now... I just don't trust other girls :P hehehe...

My loving bf called twice... well I appreciate every single bit of it since he is calling from Spore ok! Money don't grow on trees =.=||| I just don't want him feel burden as though he needs to call me everytime. It is freaking expensive and he is not earning that much too well I assume hehe. Erm... I notice I've change in the sense of being someone's gf. I wasn't like last time and yeah I love the feeling of not being fully committed and in a way I guess it's good because I don't have that compulsive control freak attitude anymore. I don't know a lot of things about my bf... I just don't bother asking erm... I guess slowly I will find out anyway so what's the rush. Maybe I'm trying not to repeat my previous mistake, loving somebody is to accept them as a whole and not in changing who they are. After all nobody is perfect (Bah! Don't gimme the I'm nobody and I'm perfect shit!) my bf seems to be worried about his English. Haihz he asked if Alex was that good. Well hell yeah... Alex English is superb 1119 English paper got A1 =.=||| geez that's Cambridge not Msian standard okay! Alright... I was trying to make my bf feels better erm... ahhh if my sucky English can be better I think he should be able too as well. So to me language is never a barrier after all I am able to speak Mandarin anyway. So I don't see it as a problem ler... as for my dad well not like he will be meeting him any sooner so nvm lolx.

One more funny thing is, Khang Wei came about and say hi in msn just to prove that he won't ignore me again lolx Wtf man... guess he don't feel the after effect anymore. Well, KW was also part of my old story. He was one of the 4 guys lolx whom out of the 4 I had feelings before. Anyway, he is history too hahahaaa... and yeah Alex hates him the most coz' I actually had feelings for him :P Okay for your info... relationship has been platonic ever since... lolx! We are just best pals again like we used to and I love having him just as friend nothing special haha I guess that's just what we are.

Argh~ I'm craving for ice-cream suddenly. When I feel confuse and down... ice-cream has always been my best friend especially Baskin Robins :( Haven't get to eat BR for ages. Not that I don't have the money just that when it's promo I'm not around. For example, the past 3 days promo on Merdeka damn it! I don't get to eat argh~ I miss BR... and yeah I remembered the year Alex betrayed me was the year he brought me BR cake on my birthday... what a coincident hah? Thinking that the pathetic BR cake could actually make me feel better and forget about the betrayals... how naive!

Erm... where is this post heading... lolxxx omg-ness okay I better stop this crap and head to bed... I'm getting even more confuse than I was before hehehe... DON'T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY It's just some random and garbage thoughts ler... Okay have fun being confuse by me hahaaa... Sayonara.