A Life Full of Scrap

I'm thinking of being single again... I know this is silly... today I added Kev back to my facebook since the contact when missing somehow... talking about this... I'm having issues with my friend's list my friends keep missing without them deleting me from their list. Okay... back to the topic. I've found out something surprising yet I somehow knew it. This again proves my intuition was right! He has been acting hot and cold because there's a reason behind it.

Kev has still been with his gf all along while going after me. That explained hell a lot of things. I got good visual memory I can remember people's faces rather than their names. Today, he checked on my profile and said wow gratz I'm happy for you... you've got bf already. Oh we were talking in msn. At first, I thought I won't bring up him and his ex after viewing his latest pictures but then... I decided to replied with a kick and says you're not bad yourself too... you're okay with your gf already. Idiot probably thinks I'm an idiot still asked me "Who? Which girl?" Guys out there seems to think I'm a fool for some reason and yeah the same goes to my bf who is apparently hiding some shit as well. Bah! I am tired! Bloody TIRED of shit! Okay back to Kev's story first. I pointed out the girl who is still staying with him apparently. Then he started explaining... bla bla bla how he is so sick with the girl that he wants to break with her but she refuses. How he do all those bad things and things she hate just to pissed her off and do whatever she wants (somehow this is so familiar - like how my ex used to treat me).  How he doesn't want to touch her anymore and feel like dying each time he goes home. I stopped him halfway and said so that night when it happened you're still with her? OMG! You shouldn't have done that! I thought to myself... I've become people's 3rd party for no God damn reason! He said me and him started long time already... and I corrected him and said "for a record no we didn't start at all, it was a mistake that night and yes shits happened" Then he said how did you know those shit? I said what shit? Kev then said the relationship shit... =.= DUH! I was like let me recalled ohhh maybe it's from frienster picture? Duh? He then said his ex has his password. Oh correction... to be more precise his gf was the one added the picture and all. He then said he tries to hide the shitty relationship from me haha... stupid! He said we girls are scary and I replied guys are worst than us. Somehow I knew he doesn't want to let me see stuff like his gf's pic etc etc... or how he always has to hang up the calls when he reach home... now that the truth prevails... I'm speechless. He got the balls to say I told you "I am a bad guy". Argh!

Too much to handle. OMFG! I thought to myself... probably all the guys are just plain assholes... maybe I should just stick to being with just myself and yeah anti social. My bf keeps telling me he is okay... and bla bla bla you know what? This is just not me... I am tired of being a fool. I think quitting is the best since I felt he is not ready for me. I am truely disappointed. He says I think too much? Am I? Geez give me a break... I know he is lying... lying right to my face okay not litterally but still! It's 5pm now... he didn't even message or online. No news from him. I don't bother sms or call him. YES I GIVE UP TOO! He is not like that before but I guess after that JB trip he probably thought I'm not good enough for him. Probably he never love me. Maybe I am not ready too... I feel like shit now! At first I thought I made him angry so I say sorry to him but he give me a cold shoulder too saying no I did nothing wrong and I think too much. Best to be back to single... when I see him tonight or if I ever see him online I will probably tell him to go find a better girl. I'm not his type I guess. Better I leave than seeing him avoiding me. It's worst. You know when we started he asked to speak the truth all the time. Now who is the one not speaking the truth? I know he is freaking tired working and all... but at least let me know and don't give me a cold shoulder. How do I know? He don't even bother saying he miss me or love me anymore? How about that? My senses never lies! Fark you guys don't ever lie to me! I am so bloody pissed off now.

You know... I am not the one who asked for a relationship in the first place. When I truely fall in love what do I get in return? Nothing but misery. Why do guys often played with my feelings? Guess I'm really a fool. Everyone says my bf is such an innocent boy... is he? I guess at times look can be deceitful. No doubt he is a nice boy. He is very sweet just like any other guys INNITIALLY... then well slowly they just change when the full moon appears. I am very sad but there's no tears rolling down maybe not yet.

Think I should be the one ending it. Maybe single life ain't that bad at all. No worries all I need to think is myself hmm... and myself... yeah and myself! Oh well I guess that's it FARK OFF... I guess being a lesbo is also a not bad option =.= haha... hmm... but then nah la... I couldn't picture myself in that senario haha.. FARK YA!