A Life Full of Scrap

Hey peeps,

A very BIG Thank You and hugs for all your support through this dark period of my life...

I've learned to allow myself to grieve for the loss of my first and hopefully not the last bf lolx. Healing was never easy on anyone... 7yrs might not be long but it's not short either... For the passed few days, I've been allowing myself to grieve and acknowledge that it's over. Keep reminding myself that there is nothing left for me to look back, there's no more love from him and we won't be together anymore.

Why do breakups hurt so much, even when the relationship is no longer good? A breakup is painful because it represents the loss, not just of the relationship, but also of shared dreams and commitments. Romantic relationships begin on a high note of excitement and hope for the future. When these relationships fail, we experience profound disappointment, stress, and grief. I realize that now that I was afraid back then because a breakup launches us into uncharted territory.

Everything is disrupted: my routine and responsibilities, my home, my relationships with extended family and friends, and even my identity. A breakup brings uncertainty about the future. What will life be like without him? Will I be able to find someone else? Or end up alone? These unknowns often seem worse than an unhappy relationship.

I guess now I've realize it's alright and okay to have different feelings. It’s normal to have lots of ups and downs, and feel many conflicting emotions, including anger, resentment, sadness, relief, fear, and confusion. While these emotions will often be painful, but suppressing them will definitely make things worst. So I guess this is where I start healing.

In time of emotional crisis like this, it allows me to grow and learn. I stop and take a step back and look at the big picture. What had happened? How did I contributed to the problems? How I had acted and dealt with my insecurities? I try not to dwell on who is to blame or beat myself up over my mistakes or feel sorry for what had happened.

I need to say thank you to him instead. For a blessing of disguise, I got to learn more about myself, how I can relate to others and there's so many problems I need to work on with to ensure problems like the past doesn't occur again. To ensure my true goals in life is not to make someone else happy but myself. If I couldn't love myself, I could never be a good lover or a good friend.

I guess it's time to put memories aside and have a brand new start... a brand new life. I lost one person in my life but gain many many many more that care about me. I feel bless and slowing healing from the pain.

To all my new found friends... thank you very much for accompanying me when I need you guys. I will definitely be there when you guys needed me. =)

Chaoz for now time to move on.