A Life Full of Scrap

I wanted to see him and talk on some things about us so I called and emailed him today. On 15th of March, we didn't end it in a very nice way, I didn't get to see him when I left. So I got a lot of questions for him to clarify. I know it is stupid for many of you guys (who are reading this) but I just need to do it if not I know I will definitely regret it for the rest of my life.

He was kind enough to come and see me. I guess only him alone that are able to make me feel better despite that it's because of him I am in pain now. Well not all his fault, of cause I played a role in it too. We meet at Time Square for old time sake. Yeah...back then every weekends we are there, it's like our 3rd home apart from staying at the office.

We talked a little some updates about our lives... we haven't talked like that for ages... He grown thinner and shorter for some strange reason...I guess it's because he is not eating and also he is diagnosed with diabetes. He refuse to take medication and yes I am still worried about him like usual. He said its karma and a pay back for how he had treated all the 26 or 27 (I've lost count) gals who had been with him before.

How silly I am, I've told him "if you ever change your mind, I'll still be here" knowing that things won't change. I guess I got no regrets now that I've told him how I really feel. I couldn't believe it myself that I still love him despite all that had happened. He said we could still be friends I said I can't. I could never see him with any other gals. So he said acquaintance, I could still talk to him if I want to. Well, probably I will but I think that's after I get over with the past. Which I find it hard to do but at least give me some credit I am trying. He asked if I will blog about this... well you know the answer I did... and you peeps are reading about it. About yesterday yeah...he said if he was here he had definitely come and help me out... but I guess it was all me being stupid and immature.

Anyway meeting him was the hardest part of all because I was holding back my tears like crazy. It hurts like hell. He try his best to put on a smile once in a while for me. I appreciate it at the same time I hate it. Some tears did rolled down my face but I manage to hold back a lot because it's kinda embarrasing tearing in public. We talked and I asked if there is a possibility we will get back together in future...he said shits happened and who knows... but for now we shall roll with whatever that comes by... He is not such a bad guy after all, he grown up a lot too... working hard these days...strangely he did everything I've always wanted him to do... saving money... spending less... paying back his debts slowly bit by bit... he did all these right after we broke up. I guess I was somehow his burden back then he said he didn't do that before because he needed to feed me. I think in a way it's a good thing that we are now separated. At least, one of us are happy and at least he will be debt free soon.

We had a last hug for each other even though he didn't say it but he sang the MYCR song "I don't love you like I do yesterday" then he left. Strangely, I don't know why... I feel much better. I think I am ready to just roll with whatever that comes by now... I don't think I'm that strong but I will be. He asked me to smile because only when I smile I look pretty. Sadly, my smiles are very fake these days. Hopefully, tomorrow beautiful things will come by and now it's time to say goodbye to yesterday.

PS: We shall meet when I had overcome our past till then take care :) Thank you for everything and I apologize for whatever that I had done wrong. I will miss you too and don't worry I will keep my word. Good Bye.