A Life Full of Scrap

A song title by Archie reflects my heart. I am wondering why I can't just let go... tell me why he is so hard to forget... tell me why I can't face the truth? I just want to move on and get well.

He don't care anymore but why am I still waiting for him just in case he changes his mind? Every night I go to sleep thinking about him... thinking about our past... times when we were happy... wondering why can't we stay that way... why we've change... why we constantly fought with each other... I know I am stupid but love is blind. Somehow I still secretly believe that we will be together again. Somehow my heart tells me to keep him alive inside and don't let him go. Somehow it is just a dream when my rationale starts to kick in.

Then I start to get all emo and depressed... when will this end? I am just so tired. Why he could be so cold hearted? I want to be like him too... let go and move on. I want to be like him find someone new and fall in love again. However, he took my heart away with him when he left me. Now I'm all alone by myself. I'm just like a hive without the honey bee... a river without the crystal clear water... a car without it's wheel... hopeless without a direction.

I'm damn poor lately. I really wish I could get a new laptop. After everything I have to pay... nothing is left and I can barely survive. When he was around he promise to buy me one as my belated anniversary/Birthday/V'day gift... but as usual his promises are just words without a cost. Well, sad but truth... even though I always tell him I want this I want that... but when it comes to buying it, I always say don't want just to help him save money. Actually, it's nice once in a while he could have just take some initiative to buy and surprise me which he never do before. Yeah... that's how boring it is. Well, what's been said is said what's been done is done... can't do anything to change that now since we're over.

Though I wish we didn't. Like he said it's too late. Yeah it's too late to apologize to each other. The wound is too deep and what I can do now is learn to let go. I really really miss him lots. Or maybe I miss the person I thought who he is. Truth is that person doesn't exist and it's merely an act. That's the worst of all. Falling in love with a person that doesn't exist. I really wish somebody could have just give me some hugs... I need hugssss badly! Okay done for today's grumbling. -n-