A Life Full of Scrap

Not everyone wears their feelings on their sleeves, but it's important to be able to express yourself when you need a shoulder to cry on, someone to share exciting news with, or someone to vent your frustration to. And while it's a common assumption that women are more emotional than men, guys can be impassioned too.

For the first time I saw my guy dropped his guard. Yes... he just cried in front of me yesterday night. Alright shed a tear or two...initially he tried to keep his tears private by drinking a can of beer and buried his face on the pillow and goes to sleep. Often, there’s a social stigma attached to men who cry. But of course, men get sad too and sometimes that sadness is reflected in tears. I mean, they're only human. I know that he is the type of guy who doesn't like to express his emotion. We don't really talk about our emotions that often. Talking in the case means expressing feelings. I find that at times it's difficult for him to even say "I love you..." He is just like me... loves keeping things especially speaking on emotions... we guard them safely at our chest. The feeling is like if we were to leave it expose, we will feel insecure as though our weaknesses are being expose to the whole wide world. The only difference between my guy and I, I can handle the intensity level while he couldn't. He is a lighthearted man. It hurts me so much seeing him in tears.

Both of us are under lots of pressure lately. It's my fault. I lost controlled of my own emotion yesterday and the devil within me overpowered and burst out like volcano. I couldn't helped feeling emo last night. I'm worried about my career and my future. At the same time, he comes home and just starting to take his lappy to the living room without even take a look at me or say something sweet but instead asked me a stupid question "why didn't you play my Godswar Online?" I was like what the fuck? I just got home from buying all the groceries so he could have some food at home and all he cares about is his stupid character. Yeah... that's why I ignored him after that and sat quietly in one corner hugging my "lam-lam" and tearing away... I know I should be more understanding... feel kinda childish for having thoughts like that. Knowing he is tired and have had a stressful day yet I choose to break down at times like that... I know I'm immature.

So he came in asked "what happen to you?" I avoided his face and looked at some random point while trying to held my tears in and replied "I'm just tired". Then I wipe my tears away and kissed him gently and asked him to hug me. He then said "tired of me?" I just sealed my lips and closed my eyes.

After a while he went out into the living room meanwhile I stayed in the room and streamed Bleach ignoring him again. That's when he drank the beer and loses his cool... I guess it's not such a bad thing, I don't know how true is this but there is this statement which says "a man only teared in front of those he really trust". Guess that means we do have a strong bond that we've build over the past months.

I just want to tell him that he meant a lot to me and I am sorry for being immature. Lastly, "I love you always darling..." <3 <3 <3