Thursday, December 3, 2009
Life's been hard, this year itself Hani-chan has gone through hell of an emotional roller coaster ride. However, she never gave up... fighting for what she ever wanted in her life, fighting for her passion to stay alive and searching for the purpose to live her life...
She realize that she has grown up... she's no longer who she used to be... handling the matter of hearts with care. Recently, something just happened to Hani-chan's family. Well, it's affecting her emotionally and her job performance. She know deep down that she is not performing her task well and that somehow she feel very guilty. Sean is the nicest boss on earth. He has been very supportive from the begining and yes he is a very good mentor. That's why Hani-chan feel bad whenever she gone MIA on work.
It can't be help. Hani-chan don't ask for all these problems. She has so much in her mind. Worried about her financial problems, worried about her parents problem, worried about her future and job. She knows she's tough enough and able to get through it. However, that doesn't mean everything is alright. At times when she smile it doesn't mean she is happy. At times when she's in tears that doesn't mean she is sad. It's just complicated. There are reasons why Hani-chan never like going back home.
She remembered even in Uni days, she preferred staying out even though her house is like just 20mins away from Uni. It's not the freedom that she's looking for but it's more like trying to run away from facing the problems at home. At times, she don't understand her parents at all... why are they acting in such way. Why her mum loves to control people that much? Why her dad just can't stop drinking so much? Why sell the house and buy a more expensive one (double the price and not like the house is any bigger) when money is not enough? Why not a cheaper furniture? Imagine Hani-chan and her sista's bed cost RM6k for each single bed. Just so not worth it! Why bother renovating the house and spend so much when it is not broken in the first place? Haven't they heard of "don't fix it if it ain't broken"? And then started the bickering session, pointing finger at each other. Hani-chan just hate it whenever they do that. Planning for a divorce at such old age? It's just absurd! Why get married in the first freaking place?
She decided to give them a piece of her mind. For the first time in her life, she actually lectured both her parents... well politely of coz'. Yeah that's the first time too... talking to them like an adult and not a rebel kid. Through her very little experience Hani-chan did learned that trying to change someone is wrong but changing yourself to make the world a better place that's more like it. She told that to her mum. Since her mum started all the bickering by saying her dad this her dad that if he don't change this if he don't change that... well first change herself. If she's not controling, my dad won't go out for drinking session? Sure many of you guys out there agree. Well, my dad is another alcholic once started drinking he seems to lose his senses and start became rather voilent. Then Hani-chan said to her dad, everything has a limit, if we don't want people to control us then we should control our temptation. Yeah she sounded like some preacher =.=" okayz at least now her mum let her dad to go back home... better than nothing right?
Seriously, they should start TALKING to each other and not SHOUTING or POINTING fingers. Hani-chan learned this from someone she once knew. Thanks to him, she is who she is now. She is happy for that person too. Oh, this person she meant was someone from her past. Yes and he will always has a place in her even though they may not be together but there are happy times that worth to be remembered. Glad he had found someone he love too and hope he find his true happiness with her. Hani-chan also found someone she cherish now. She is happy with that too.
Another thing, she is also worried about her dear but she is confident that he will be just fine. Hani-chan is currently staying at Kelana with her deary, Kristy & Dennis's place and they're living in a super tight budget. Lately, she is catching on this Chinese drama called "Gong Sam Kai" and from that drama she learned that everyone will just do anything in order to survive and climb up the ladder. Apart from that, Hani-chan also learned that a little bit of sweetness will actually take away the bitterness in life. Maybe that's what life is all about. Nothing is ever perfect. What good does it make even when you climb up the ladder but you're still not living in peace? People will always hope to get more money... money is never enough. The more you get the more you'll spend. Hani-chan felt that although now she couldn't go for her shopping therapy every month like she used to, she couldn't have that regular drinking session with her colls anymore, she has so much financial burden on her shoulder but she told herself that it's okay... at least she finds a little sweetness in her heart every now and then... spending time at home with her dear makes her happy too. A little light of sweetness shine through the hardship in life, that's the power of love :D
Well... guess it's too long winded. Chaoz for now...
