A Life Full of Scrap

I've been trying to convince myself that the "OLD-EVIL-GREEN-EYED-CONTROL-FREAK-CLINGY-OBSESSIVE-POSSESSIVE-MONSTER" in me has died along with my first relationship. I've been trying so hard to keep myself away from getting jealous at the old pictures I saw in my bf's lappy. Pictures of all his ex-es especially the 3rd drop dead gorgeous one. Hey not like I purposely explore those pictures it just so happened I click on em' and NO I DON'T INVADE HIS PRIVACY THANK YOU (mind you he is around)! Alright I know there's nothing to be jealous about... I think it's just me... I'm wondering am I that insecure? Hey what happen to Ms. Confident? Did she just decided to go "poof" disappear? Gawd... I've learned the hard way that I must change in order to keep the relationship harmonies ahhh... I must say it's all thanks to my first ex. It's been exactly a year now okay slightly off topic... at times, I still do think back and yeah a tear or two will still slipped off before I notice it. Guess his shadow still hide somewhere within me. I know the problem lies within me and I just couldn't stop feeling... erm... how do I describe it... it's an unwanted feeling a mix of jealous and bitterness?

Lately, I'm feeling kinda neglected and a little insecure. Hey, what do ya expect... coming from the past experience my big fat ugly ex could betrayed me with some cheap bitch... my current one is way better, much more good looking and hotter than that fat ass one... So? What's your verdict? Don't get me wrong I do trust him... I just don't trust the other bitches around him! Oh talking about that he always got hawt looking ladies working with him and why don't I ever get any leng chais working the same damn department as well hmmm... I'm talking about the available ones okay not Sean though he is one damn hawt boss I've got before hahaha... and I'm probably lacking of self-esteem here which explained why I feel like that. Maybe I don't have what it takes to be the one or to actually taken his drop dead gorgeous ex's place. I can see that he loves her the most comparing of all ex-es. Reason is rather obvious... she got the gorgeous smile, a killer body and well hawt legs. Which I am most ashamed of... I don't like my legs... they are friggin' ugly and scary! Well, got the maps from the many many accidents and some allergies just leave those eye-sore scars on my leg. The hair I couldn't used Veet for some fark reason I got all sensitive with it and makes my leg grow even more rashes. Though he said he doesn't mind before but I felt terrible each time he came across them. I just wish I could do something about it but I can't unless I go for laser surgery which obviously I couldn't afford.

Well... what's the whole point of writing all this? To keep my demented mind sane! To keep the evil within me away I've burried my face on the pillow these few nights. Go to sleep early and don't think about shyt! Okay that's about my unstable feelings which won't stop haunting me.

On the other hand... my career has proven to me that I'm not so bad after all. *Blink Blink* today I've got another called from Star Rfm (988 and red fm station) for account manager position but unfortunately they called up a step too late and I've rejected them. Anyhow, I'm still pretty happy that they even consider me as a candidate. On my new job, I'm lovin' it. Ms. Passion has decided to come back and work again~ yeahhhh good news right? Haha I thought so too and I'm pretty happy things are looking great. Just hope I could perform well from here onwards. The weird thing is I feel kinda pressured coz' the girls there dressed to impress each other and also it's like they don't go for lunch. And yes most of them are drop dead gorgeous... talked to one of my colleague today and just randomly brought up the dressing topics and well she's right we gotta upgrade ourselves to match everyone or to feel like you're one of them and to feel accepted.

I'm the type of girl that are kinda laid back who prefers T-shirt and jeans. I'm not really into the fashion kind of thing well maybe I do see nice clothes but I couldn't afford to keep up my closet with trendy clothes. I'm hoping to brush up on my fashion sense. It's like level next to zero now. Damn taking care of a renowned magazine like Cleo and Cosmopolitan isn't an easy task. What's more you gotta be like one of them before you could really start selling it to your clients. I do really hope I could keep up with them, do my very best and get more money. Oh this year, I will definitely be attending the Cleo bachelor parties lolx by default yeah I have too... and it's funny how just few weeks ago I flipped through Cleo March issue and thought of attending a workshop. Oh knowing me, I was too lazy to submit the forms bla bla bla you know the procedures therefore I always end up "forget about it"! Guess what??? I'm gonna attend the workshop after all and it's not fun when you gotta work hehe... yeah gonna go Midvalley Garden this week for Neutrogena's (is that how it's spelled? lolx) workshop organized by Cleo to help out. It's a whole day event thing erm... poof there goes another day of spending quality time together with my deary.

Alright I guess time to go... too much blabberz too much nagging and yes I am OLD -.- the red bombs I've been receiving lately proves it all. T.T Sayonara for now!